The Death of Kim Jong Il

It is reported that Kim Jong Il, dictator in North Korea, died Saturday on a train due to a heart attack (source).

Kim Jong Il's death is worth mourning because he, as a human being who was created in the image of God, was worth loving. God himself does not desire the perishing of wicked men because he is love and has concern for all his creation and thus reaches out to them so that they may seek communion with him (Ezekiel 18:23, 33:11). I pray that Kim Jong Il rests in peace and that God has mercy upon him, a sinner. I pray that Christians would set the example of loving the enemy even in that enemy's death. I pray that the absent are safe within the body of Christ on earth. May we know nothing but Christ crucified (which is love in it's greatest form) so that we may love others to point of dying ourselves rather than seeing them take the fall. May we not scoff at the tragic consequences of Adam's sin in any person's life, for ours is the same story.

All are wicked. All need grace. All need God. All must love.

We must remember that we have all sinned. If we have hated and kept anger we have murdered. We have oppressed. We all have been aligned with the world, darkness, Satan. We were saved by the grace of an all loving God and reconciled to him through his son.

Kim Jong Il, Muammar Gaddafi, Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, you, the neighbor, and me were meant to be servants who love others. If other's on the list are not doing that then the need for us to do so grows and does not decrease. Government authorities, by God's design and command deserve our honor. Let us be God-honoring in being authority honoring. Let us not speak unloving words of the dead, of the leader, of the wicked. Speak truth but only in love, only with the fruit of the Spirit.

Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor (1Peter 2:13-17).

These words were written during a time of great persecution and unjust rule. It must then apply even now.

There may be justice in Kim Jong Il's death, God knows well enough, but there must be love in our hearts, words, and deeds concerning the dictator. Celebrate that less wickedness may now occur (supposing that's true) and mourn the death of a sinner, praying for the mercy of God, for we've lost a human brother whom we have been told to love. Let us not dance on graves but plant flowers there.

The Pursuit of Happiness Falls Short

Christians who live in the United States often value what the country values. That's often a very good thing but sometimes it's a very bad thing. There are yet other times in which such values simply fall short of the expectations of scripture. Many of us over-value the pursuit of happiness which is such a prevalent value for those in the United States. Everyone wants to be happy. In a lot of ways this is a noble value to embrace but if we are not careful it can be destructive. It's my belief that many of us Christians often pair this value with the absence of persecution and seek to construct lives and a society that aid us in our pursuit of happiness by procuring for ourselves protection from hardships others would bring upon us for our faith. I don't think this should be.

I've written before on how it's good to rethink how much we value freedom of religion and our pursuit of avoiding persecution. I've also written about how the pursuit of happiness isn't sufficient. Here I wish to combine these ideas and I desire to do so by quoting one of the geatest theologians of the 20th century, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In his bookLife Together, he stated,

Seek God, not happiness - this is the fundamental rule of all meditation. If you seek God alone, you will gain happiness.

Keep in mind that Bonhoeffer wrote these words at a time in which he had returned to Nazi infested Germany from the safety of the United States. He was living out these words, seeking out the will of God over his own happiness, at a great cost. Seeking God often requires a great deal of suffering. It always requires the loss of self. It is never sexy or entirely self-gratifying. It is not a safe pursuit. However, it is a pursuit that rewards richly in a way that is often unexpected. It's an upside down life. Seeking God will force us to gain many a terrible thing but it will also gain us happiness.

Truly, if we seek God we will receive happiness. If we seek happiness we will quickly find that our aim was shortsighted and selfish. When we live as lovers of God, being selfless, giving to God and others through life we find happiness "for it is in giving that we receive" (St. Francis of Assisi). We need a higher goal than our own happiness. We need God. Let us seek God and see what he gives us.

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

We can value the pursuit of happiness but our pursuit should not be happiness itself. Let us have longsight and seek God himself who is love for in love alone will genuine and worthwhile happiness be found. Any other happiness shall be rotten and not worth pursuit.

Hurt People

There is a cliche in my line of work. "Hurt people hurt people." This means that people who have been hurt or who are currently hurting tend to bring hurt to other people. So hurt(ing) people actively hurt (other) people. Not only is this a popular saying in my life but it's a popular experience. I constantly encounter people who have been hurt who are hurting other people. I can't deny this cliche. I embrace it. I know it's true of me as well. When I am hurt I cause hurt. I believe we all do.

People hurt others in a variety of ways. Some people hurt others through insults, others through physical force, some through passive aggression, and yet others through neglect or abandonment. I'm the third. I tend to cut myself off from others when in pain and that causes problems in my relationships. When I think primarily of myself and neglect others I hurt them as much as if I were verbally or physically abusing them. Neglect is a type of abuse as well. Everyone abuses others in a certain way. This even happens online! I've recently written about keys to communicating well, how to examine if we are loving others well, and how to maintain an attitude of love when others hurt us. Now, I want to ask if this cliche applies to us and how we can examine that.

It's good to ask "Am I hurt?" Some hurts are recent and some are deep seated in us and come from our past. A recent hurt may be the result of an argument with a spouse whereas a deep hurt may be the result of a parent hitting us as a child. Both are important because both hurt and both cause us to hurt others if we allow. Ask if you're hurt right now. Has there been anything recently in your life that has caused you harm? What was it? What happened? Walk through it. Ask why it hurt. Should it have the amount of power that it does in your life? Are you blowing it up? Is it justified? Can you reason it away or does it need more healing than that? It's very possible it's relational pain and healing needs to happen. If that's true then seek out who has hurt you and try to walk through the issue (of your pain) with them. Let them know how you've been hurt and try to reconcile. Try to see how they love you (hopefully they do). Do what you can to help the hurt. If the pain is deep and from the past then, depending on what it is, a conversation may not be enough. Perhaps counseling will help (it's not just for crazy people ya know). Long-lasting pains play a part in forming our identities and we need help to see how they've worked themselves into our personality and social patterns. If we've been abused it's possible we'll be quick to abuse those who we see doing wrong because we've decided we can't stand for abuse to exist (ironic isn't it). Hurt people are fully of sad irony (I sure am). Deep pain take help to remove and they take time. It's hard work but it can be worked out and as it gets worked out we can do our best to try and recognize it when it pops up and demands us to act upon it. As we hurt, identfy our pain, and seek reconciliation/healing, we must make every effort to not give into our hurt and cause hurt to others.

Next we should ask if we are hurting others. That's a part of the healing process. In that argument that recently hurt me did I cause hurt as well? Did I do it because I was hurting? If so, apologies are repentance are in order. We've got to make things right. Am I constantly causing hurt to others? Am I rude, insulting, neglecting, abusive? Are my behavior patterns unhealthy and damaging to those around me? If so it's time to try and form new patterns. Asking others to help us with this is good. We need people to counsel us, asking questions all the time. We need people to call us out on our abusing of others, we need accountability. As I said in the previous paragraph, we need help and we need time. If we're hurting others we can stop doing it but it's hard. Living out the love of Christ is a killer (of self) and denying the desires of our pain and bitterness is a very difficult thing to do.

When other people are being hurtful towards us (though physical or verbal abuse, neglect, or passive aggressive acts) it's good to ask why. Are they intending to hurt or are they unaware? Is there something motivating them to hurt us? People don't hurt others without motivation, there's always a reason (even if they can't name it themselves). How has this person been hurt? Did I cause the hurt that's causing them to hurt me? Remember, people who hurt you are hurting in some way for some reason and even though they're being the bad guy they are probably the victim somehow as well. Even if they aren't they are suffering somewhere within themselves and that means they need healing and that means they need help.

We need to learn to react in love, seeing the person and not the mere situation. We must learn to be careful and thorough observers, taking note of all we can see in front of us in regards to those we interact with. It's hard to seek a fair and balanced perspective, especially when we're trying to have that perspective towards someone who is hurting us or who we want to hurt at that moment, but we have to try and see people as God sees them. We have to see people for who they are (creations of God, loved by him, tainted by sin, living in a broken world, imperfect, and hurting). Patience and kindness go a long way. We may be interacting with someone and realize that the person has been stung with pain and thus the issue is no longer important. At this point we must begin to focus on the person and their pain. Often, the issue is not the issue. That means a person may blow up over a topic of conversation but their issue is not what is being discussed but a pain within them. The pain may be connected to the discussion but it usually has deeper roots than expected. People are deeper than we anticipate (especially online).

We're all hurt in some ways. We all hurt in some ways. None of us want to be hurt and none of us truly want to cause pain for others. In moments we may want to harm others because it's all we know to do as a reaction to our pain but we have to learn to fight this. We also must to learn to heal that when it occurs in others around us. We have to help one another, loving one another, seeking to cover pains with healing and reconciliation.

Paul stated in Ephesians 4:1-3 "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." He ends a letter to the Corinthians says, "Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you" (2Corinthians 13:11). He tells the Church in Rome, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality" (Romans 12:10-13).

When the desire to hurt comes up or when someone begins to act out of pain, hurting us, let us remember the Proverbs of scripture which tell us to extinguish the flames of fury and bring peace so that we may love one another. "The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out" (17:14). "A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle" (18:19). "It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling" (20:3). "For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife." (26:20-21).

The Holy Spirit; Do We Have It?

There came a time, after his resurrection, when Jesus left the disciples and ascended into heaven. In Acts 1 Jesus tells his followers, "...wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit." ...But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth" (vv. 4-5, 8). We know from scripture that the Spirit brings peace, power, unity, words in trial, strength, and joy. The kingdom of God is a matter of the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). The Christian life is a life lived in the Spirit.

It was clear at Pentecost that the Holy Spirit had come to the followers of Jesus because there were very obvious and tangible signs. The Spirit was acknowledged by the senses of the bystanders. Through flaming tongues, miraculous communication, and an uncommon form of interaction (which looked like drunkenness apparently) it was clear that the Spirit had come in what some might call a new way. However, when sinners are baptised in the Spirit this doesn't always happen, in fact it probably only was meant to happen once but that's a discussion for another time. So how do we know if we, sinners saved by grace who are trying to live a life of faith and good deeds yet falling short as we do our best supposed to know with certainty whether or not we have the Spirit? Will our chests be strangely warmed as some men have said they experienced? Will we speak in the tongues of angels as some have? Is there still some kind kind of sense oriented sign that shouts "LOOK! I have within me the Spirit of God!?" I believe there is.

A large theme in the scriptures is the bearing of fruit. Sometimes there is a contrast between bearing fruit and bearing no fruit (the fig tree Jesus curses for example) and other times there is the contrast between bearing good fruit and bad fruit. Jesus discusses the issue of false teachers saying, "Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (Matthew 7:17-19). In John 5:1-8 Jesus says

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

So good trees ear good fruit and bad trees bad or no fruit. Trees that bear good fruit are gardened by God, the original gardener (think Creation and Eden) and bad trees are apart from God and later meet their end (how could they not? Dead things rot and fall away and are only good for burning). By the way, trees are people in all this garden talk. Jesus refers to himself as a tree in that John passage at the beginning. You and I are trees and we are either good trees that are gardened by God or bad trees apart from him. And how do we know which we are? By our fruit! So what does this fruit stuff have to do with the Spirit? Well, the Spirit also produces fruit. His activity has results just like our activity. When we have the Spirit of God there are certain proofs/fruits that we can observe. These fruits are mentioned by the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:22-23. "But the fruit of the Spirit is

• love
• joy
• peace
• patience
• kindness
• goodness
• faithfulness
• gentleness
• self-control.

If we can be defined by these terms then odds are we have the Spirit. Unloving, joyless, quarrelsom, impatient, mean, wicked, brimming with denial, coarse, and uncontrolled people are not those who belong to God but are against him. Life in the Spirit looks like the attributes of that verse. If we are out of control, unfaithful, unloving, impatient, and ungentle people then we are not yet living in the love of God, accepting Christ and all he has for us. Part of accepting Christ as Lord is laying down our worldly weapons of the flesh (I don't mean guns and knives but our shallow and sinful practices and desires) and bowing before him. We must put off our old self, dying as though we were on the cross, and putting on the new self as though we have been raised from the grave and been given a new body with which to walk around in. It's like being reborn. We play an active role in our conversion for we decide to cease trying to be the Lord of our own lives; we give up our power of king and we concede it to Christ and we begin to operate under his rule. When we say Christ is Lord we are saying that he is in charge and we are not. He commands us and we obey. This is how we know we love him, we obey him (John 14:15).

As Paul says, "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit" (Galatians 5:25). We keep in step with the Spirit by pursuing Christ and his Way. As we actively resist the ways of the sinful world and nature that are constantly against us let us seek God in prayer for it is prayer that demolishes strongholds in our lives and makes for us to have the things God wants to give us. It is the Spirit which produces this fruit in us and it is God who sends the Spirit. It is not by our own works that we are people with the fruit of the Spirit but by the grace of God. He desired us and sought us. When we respond to him with faith he gardens us and makes us to bear fruit. It is a partnership and it is a process. The disciples screwed up repeatedly while they walked with Jesus for several years but there came a time when they lived into their faith and the Spirit was given to them by God's will (not their works). They knew Christ was Lord after the resurrection and they lived in that reality of faith and as a result they received the Spirit and through them the world saw love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control unlike anyone else. Other's followed suit and eventually pagan men such as Aristides were writing things like "And see, because of them, good flows on in the world! Truly it is they who have sought and have found the truth, and from what we have understood here we must conclude that they alone are close to the knowledge of truth."

May good flow on in the world because of your faith and your obedience to God. May you see fruit from the Spirit which is promised to those who abandon the world and their own rebellion and finally claim Jesus Christ is Lord! May you lay down your crown at the foot of the cross of Jesus of Nazareth who was later raised and told us of our helper; the Holy Spirit. May the wrestling out of your salvation produce good fruit so that you do not rot, die, and burn away but rather find and produce life that may be enjoyed for eternity (Romans 8:13). Amen.

Keys to Communicating Well

Two of the largest aspects of my job here at Transitional Youth are practicing and teaching good communication and conflict resolution skills. Since coming on board over two years ago I've changed in how I communicate with people. I can debate and work through conflicts/disagreements far better now than before I worked here. I'm far better at these skills than I was even a year ago. I often see people trying to have a debate or discussion on Xanga and notice how they aren't helping their cause due to poor communication skills so I decided to write about a couple characteristics of healthy communication and conflict resolution for anyone who is interested.

Pitching and Receiving

In every healthy interaction there needs to be a catcher and a pitcher. Other terms we use for these positions are encoder and decoder. Our tagline for this is "Know Your Role!" The pitcher/encoder is the person speaking. They are heading up the discussion at the moment. This person is sending a message that they want someone else to receive and receive fully. The other person is catching/decoding. They are working hard to receive and understand what is being said. Making sense of what has come their direction from the encoder/pitcher is their role at the moment. This often consists of something called "active listening." Everyone wants to be heard so active listening requires serious attention. Signs of a healthy active listener:

• Showing the speaker that you are paying attention and trekking with them by saying things such as "Yeah", "okay", "uh huh", "Right", "Oh I see", and so on without disrupting the flow. While this is often employed by people who don't pay attention, eye contact and facial expressions can help communicate serious listening. This can be difficult online. Sometimes it's best to say encouraging things between messages to get this message across.
• Paraphrasing what the pitcher has thrown your way. If you are listening well you can repeat what the encoder has communicated with similar words back to them. If you can communicate their message in a way they approve of then you've successfully decoded. If your paraphrasing isn't accurate then you ask them to "please explain that to me again so I can get a better idea of what you're trying to say?" Paraphrasing in this context is essentially saying to the pitcher "It sounds like you're saying 'suchandsuch blah blah blah suchitysuchsuch', is that about right?" You're putting their message in your language without compromising what they truly mean. They'll let you know if you're hitting the mark or not. Paraphrasing is HUGE!
• Probing during the discussion. Aside from often stopping the conversation momentarily to make sure you are up to speed via paraphrasing it is good to stop the conversation at points and ask open ended questions for clarification. Yes and no questions can be helpful but it's usually best to use questions that force the pitcher to give a fuller explanation of their message. In debate this may look like asking for the support for a specific point of an argument. "How do you back that up?" Why and how questions are good for this.

In a healthy interaction there will be a switching of roles from time to time. Both people involved will ask and answer questions, allowing ample time for the other to answer and explain. Both people will make attempts to convey what they believe the other person is trying to communicate so that there is no miscommunication. When both people are pitching nothing is truly received. Talking at one another is not helpful. Talking with one another is very helpful. Good conversation is like a game of catch. Conversations are not meant to be one sided. Ask and answer questions. Make your points known and let the other person know their points are known. The goal should be for everyone to move forward and that takes teamwork.

Checking the Temperature

My boss likes to call this the Goldilocks Rule but I prefer the temperature perspective. They are the same thing so it doesn't really matter. In every interaction, especially disagreements, debates, and conflicts, there is a temperature. Sometimes the temperature is comfortable and everyone is happy. Sometimes the temperature changes and things got pretty hot and as a result someone operating at a high temperature can't go any further in the interaction without first cooling down. For those interesting in the Goldilocks version, you have to check what bowl of porridge is being consumed. Are things too cold in the interaction and nobody is engaging? Is the porridge too hot and leaving people with burned tongues and frustration? Hopefully the porridge is just right and both people are actively engaging one another without things getting too heated or out of control. Checking the temperature simply means keeping an eye on how the person you're interacting with is feeling. If they feel attacked, angry, hurt, or are showing signs of discomfort it may be time to step back and let them cool down. If it looks like they are comfortable and can handle more of the discussion then feel free to keep it going! Basically, be concerned for and aware of the person you're interacting with so you don't burn the bridge. If you know your own temperature is rising then it may be best to politely step away for a while.

Of course, this can be difficult online since there is no voice tone or body language to observe. However, people can give hints through what they write. A lot of CAPS or exclamation marks (!) can indicate a high temperature. Short answers can indicate a cold temperature. Personalizing the issue is often a sign of the temperature rising and personal attacks are a sure sign that the porridge is too hot. Being aware of the other person's feelings proves that one has a goal of genuine conversation and relationship as opposed to simply winning or being right.

Proverbs

There are a few Proberbs from scripture that I think are helpful in this arena.

• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions (18:2).
• He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame (18:13).
• Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone (25:15).
• Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger (29:8).
• Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him (29:20).

At the end of the day, if we can treat others the way we wish to be treated in interactions then things have a better chance of going well.