Are We Loving?

Even though they are placed in the discussion of spiritual gifts, it is undeniable that the truths proclaimed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 can stand strong in truth outside of that context. When I evaluate whether or not I am loving others well I look predominantly to these verses. I think of people I have relationships with - sometimes this is the person at church or school while other times it is a significant other, family member, friend, or a person I regularly give help to. In routine and in trial (especially in trial) it can be easy to blind ourselves to how weak our love for another person may be. It is easy to give other's less than love demands. This is an invitation to evaluate yourself. Think of someone you're in relationship with, maybe the person you're having the most difficulty or conflict with (I try to pick this person often since I believe that the person I love the least is the truest indication of how I love Jesus) and then take a minute for each of the following question categories.

As I aim to love [insert name]...

• Am I patient with them? Through whatever we deal with together and whatever they do to test me, am I patient? Do I withstand time when it is not in my favor with this person? Have I been impatient lately?

• Am I kind towards them? Despite what they do or say to me, do I treat them kindly with words and attitudes of blessing? Do I seek their well-being with how I treat them? Have I been unkind lately?

• Am I envious towards them? Do I see the blessings or possessions in this person's life and desire them for myself? Do I hold what I don't have against them? Do I hold what they have against them? Have I been happy for the blessings in this person's life lately?

• Am I boastful towards them? Is humility evident in my interactions with this person? Am I speaking too much and too highly of myself? Do I put myself over and above this person loudly? Have I been a servant to this person or praised them in thankfulness lately?

• Am I arrogant in front of them? Have I been presenting an attitude of selfish pride? Do I believe or act as if this person owes me anything. Do I see myself as deserving worship of some kind, getting upset when they don't admire me to the level I think I have earned? Have I put them first lately?

• Am I rude towards them? How would other's characterize my treatment of this person? Have I been short with them, insulting, patronizing, sarcastic, or stuck up towards them? Do I belittle or disrespect this person, whether I think they deserve it or not? Have I been truly honoring towards them lately?

• Am I insisting on my own way with them? How often am I trying to get what I want out of this relationship? Do I find ways to manipulate or persuade them to give me what I want. Do I forsake the desires of this person? Could I be called selfish towards them? Have I been selfless, seeking their wants lately?

• Am I irritable with them? Do I arrive quickly at anger or annoyance with the person? Have I lacked grace in our interactions? Do I see more negatives than positives when I have this person in my mind or sight? Have I been affectionate with them lately?

• Am I resentful towards them? Are there things I have been holding against this person? Have I not let go of past conflicts or trespasses? Am I often looking to hurt the person or trap them so that I can feel a sense of justice? Am I letting this person's shortcomings and failures define them in my heart? Have I been forgiving lately?

• Am I rejoicing in doing wrong towards them? Is pleasure within my soul when I've hurt this person or 'got one over' on them? Do I tell others about how I 'showed them' and find pride in this accomplishment? Do I see gaining power over this person as a type of victory? Have I rejoiced in what is true and good lately even if it is difficult?

• Am I bearing all things with them? Am I honestly sharing in all their joys and pains? Do I see their sin as something I must also carry even though they have committed the trespass? Do I see myself as being their supporter and teammate? Am I living in true unity? Have I ben self-sacrificial in co-owning their baggage lately?

• Am I believing all things for/with them? Can a confidence in what is not yet or what is unseen be found in my spirit for this person's life? Do I trust them? Do I give them the benefit of the doubt, believing they can live into the image of God? Do I think good things are possible for this person? Have I been doubting or skeptical of them lately?

• Am I hoping all things for them? Do I see their potential and cling to it, knowing they may not reach it but never abandoning the possibility that they may live into what they seek? Have I given up on them? Am I prone to write this person off due to bumps in the road? Have I gone against what looks like reality lately for the sake of clinging to the knowledge that God can do mighty and reforming things in them lately?

• Am I enduring all things with them? When they hurt me repeatedly and don't treat me the way they ought to do I continue loving them? Am I forgiving them as they put nails in me? Am I allowing trials and troubles to stop me from extending to this person the love they may not deserve? Have I been sticking to my commitments or vows to this person even if they haven't lately?

Finally, I always ask "How did Jesus show his love for me?" and when I have remembered this wonderful answer I ask "Am I extending that same deep and precious love to this particular person?" Too often the answer isn't pleasing to know and I have to face the fact that I have some changing to do in my heart and in my actions. May you find yourself in a better place of love than I often do and may you continue to do your very best at loving others, knowing that the one you love the least is the truest indication of how you love the LORD your God. May you repent, changing directions, when you discover you've loved poorly or not at all. May the stone covering that might be covering your heart melt away and may you be enabled and encouraged to love others as Christ has loved you. May you be love as God is love, fulfilling it's ways.