Christian Modesty

I've been reading a lot of blogs this past week about modesty and purity expectations of Christian women. It's a hot button right now. Should it be such a hot button though? I don't see any good reason for it. With everything else in the Christian life it boils down to loving God and loving neighbor. That said, let's jump into the issue.

Women: Our oversexed culture plays a big role in the tense relationship between Christian men and Christian women's clothing. It sucks any time a person or group of people are given the responsibility to boost others when it really seems the responsibility ought to be on the other party. But, that's life sometimes I suppose. I know I find myself in that situation a lot where I live/work. And as much as I hate saying it, because it does seem unfair, I often think that Christian women have a large amount of responsibility to look out for their brothers precisely because of the surrounding culture. I'm not saying women should jump into full time snuggies (though that'd be comfy), denim dresses (God help us), or even strict mennonite apparel (which is actually kinda hot... I mean... sort of... sometimes...) but I do think women need to go the extra mile in our churches when it comes to pursuing modest dress. More on this later.

Men: At the same time, men need to get their butts in gear and stop being slaves to the culture and their lust. All men know a modestry dressed woman doesn't fix the problem. Self control is the main issue. Men need to quit making excuses, take ownership, and be disciplined and healthy men so they can be faithful husbands or celibates. They need to create for themselves a Spirit that doesn't need their sisters to go an extra mile so that eventually the women can be less restricted (which is a result of their love)! And yeah, it's hard. The culture is completely comes against what scripture directs men to be like when it comes to sexuality (though the specific attack isn't intentional). It's a battle. But the men are equipped (no pun intended) by Christ to overcome all obstacles.

Congregations: How men and women work out all this in various congregations/communities is up to them. I hope we all have hearts that are willing to make us bondservants to Christ and to one another so that we can go the extra mile. I hope we can all avoid legalism because our love for each other is so strong that we do whatever it takes to be good for one another and always build each other up with our clothes or whatever it may be. So let us love one another as best we can. If that means actually donning long sleeved, long skirted dresses for a while then let's do it. If it means throwing away our computers and attending sex addict meetings let's do it. If it means just talking about sex honestly together more then let's do it. Odds are, we're all going to have different burdens in this.

Me: I keep my laptop in the public square at my home so nothing is hidden. I talk to Christian men about my sexuality on a regular basis. I study sexuality from both a scriptural and scientific perspective so I don't scar myself or others (did I mention I use to be a sex educator for the Southwest Washington Health District in high school). I discuss the sex life of a few married brothers with them to encourage them and to learn for myself how to have a healthy marriage someday. I don't have to attend sex addiction meetings or use certain softwares. Some men do. I don't need my sisters to wear strict Mennonite clothing. Some men do (or maybe they just need to become Mennonites or monks for a while). Don't get me wrong, I think it'd be great if skinny jeans and tight low cut tops weren't worn a lot but that's why I'm surrounded by men to talk and pray with. That's why I invest in disciplines that grow self-control. And for those guys and gals who drool more than dogs when they see a sexy brother or sister, they need healthy community and practices too. We all need help.

Christians: God gave us one another for a reason. To grow more deeply into his love. We can do that by being a community that loves one another, counsels one another, cares for one another, looks out for one another, serves one another, and sacrifices our wants and ourselves for one another. We carry each other's burdens because that is what Christian love looks like. We value education and teach each other about sex in an honest and healthy way that embraces scripture. We don't allow each other to be legalistic and destroy future sexual integrity and we don't allow each other to be liberal and destroy present sexual integrity.

I saw a blog recently in which the author posted about a woman who couldn't open her legs to her new husband due to a Christian upbringing with unbalanced sexual education. That's not the type of love and healthy life the Church is to foster in its members. The Songs of Solomon should teach us about that balance! Christians should write amazing sexually packed poetry! That's okay for us! Our passion and urges should be expressed! We should have marriage beds that are being broken due to the awesome sex that happens on them (IKEA will make a fortune thanks to us)! We need to embrace sex for the beautiful and powerful gift that it is! At the same time, we hold to our standards. There is a balance and it is not incredibly difficult to find.Together we can find all the balance we need. Christ's Spirit is our Mediator and Administrative Teacher to help us.

Most all, modesty is a heart issue. Modesty deals more with behavior than it does clothing! A modest person dresses with decency and propriety but also with good deeds according to 1 Timothy. Clothing is important but who we are as people and how we treat others is the overarching issue we need to be concerned with. If our deeds and dress show a selfishness or a sense of indecency then the problem within our hearts needs to be dealt with. Our outsides ought to represent our insides.

So when summer rolls around and the debate about bikinis and short shorts comes into play in Christian circles let us always answer with the commitment to sacrificially love one another and carrying each other's burdens, no matter the cost. Let us be honest and balanced. Let us be graceful and not demanding or legalistic. Let us set an example for all others. Let us be true Christian communities. Above all, let us love.